| Last Entry-name change (yes, again) |
[Apr. 16th, 2009|03:43 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | family, livejournal | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Goodbye To You-Michelle Branch | ] |
As promised (in my other/new LJ) I shall explain why Krystalraven seemed to fit me for so long. This will also be, the last post I make in this LJ. You can find my new one over at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kivawildrose . I've tried to friend as many of you as possible but...I'm running out of time here. I have 15 minutes left and need to make this entry before I leave today so that you all aren't wondering why the change. Besides it's the first half of the other post. So on with the explanation...I'll set it up like I did my other one...
Krystal
I have a very deep love of crystals. Always have and always will. There is something very magickal about them that I just can't really describe. This is also the lighter half of me. The 'good side' if you will. The one who wants to do everything within the boundaries that the world places on everyone, the one that doesn't really want to break traditions and conventions. It also represented the half of me that the entire world, no matter who I was with-family or friends-got to see. The part of me that was never hidden.
Raven
The darker half of me. The rebellious part, the one that LOVED to break social conventions and challenge the norms. The half that I kept hidden from my family that lurked in the shadows always wanting to come out but never would. I'm talking about my spiritual half in that last statement-not saying my spirituality is dark by any means, I only meant that for so long I was afraid of my family's reaction (basically that they would disown me) that I kept it hidden in the shadows. I'm tired of doing that. As I grow more spiritually it's becoming significantly harder to hide who I truly am.
They were two opposite parts of me that fit together nicely. I was able to live my life the way I wanted under this name, I had the best of both worlds *cue cheesy Hannah Montana theme song*. The problem is...I'm growing up, I can feel it inside me. I'm ready to take my next steps into the adult world and unfortunately I can't really do that with part of me in the shadows. I want to work a full time 40 hour a week job so that I can move out, get a nice car, and eventually travel some places. What's always hindered that though is that I kept my spirituality hidden and therefore could only really practice it while my mom was away at work. I realize I could get an evening and weekend job but then I can never see my friends or family since they work Mon-Fri 8-5...well most of them. Besides evening and weekends are usually part time gigs that don't pay much.
I'm wanting balance in my life and I know the steps I need to take to get it and I'm ready to take them. So...I leave my old self (and old bad habits) behind and embrace a new name and way of life. My new name (Kiva Wildrose) is explained like this in my other journal. It's not friends only and I don't plan on it ever being.
You're all invited to friend me, I tried to get to all of you but like I said...time was of the essence =-P I have 4 minutes left now...and still have a few more things to do. |
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| Easter |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|08:23 am] |
Sunday didn't go as bad as I thought it would be. I just got up and went to church with my mom without saying anything. I let her go about her day and enjoy it as much as she could. She never gets to see my grandma because my grandma's just distant like that but Sunday we went out to lunch with her. I figured during the church service instead of actually writing or something I could take the time to meditate a bit. Atleast it would like I was paying attention then and not cause a commotion.
As I was sitting there half listening to the preacher say things that to me didn't make sense (like without Easter there is no hope) I was noticing how cold the church building felt. It wasn't inviting at all. Atleast not to me. It was more like you were at a contemporary concert because of all the lighting effects but...the building itself was just so impersonal, no personality to it at all. At one point I got the shivers when I thought about my wooded sanctuary and longed to go outside just for a moment. I almost did but...then I'd have to walk passed Bill (no easy feat because he's...well lets just say he takes up ALOT of room). But anyway the church service went by faster than I thought it would, only 45 minutes long. Sweet.
Then we went out to lunch. OMG was it obvious that Bill is an Aries. He totally dominated the conversation. My grandma brought up Kevin (my uncle that she refuses to have anything to do with even though he's her son) so I tried to talk to HER about him. Bill butt in and kept speaking for her. It's like "Bill, shutup, you don't know Kevin, you have no right to be speaking on her behalf. I know she has a mind of her own, she's had no problems expressing it in the past, let her express it now!" I was so very glad when lunch was over. Mom was too as Bill was frustrating her as well. So far my opinion of the guy is that I don't like him too well. This opinion isn't just based on Sunday either.
After that mom and I went home, took a nap and then had a nice peaceful dinner. Overall the day was ok.
Oh, defixione , I forgot to add to that comment that the journal project I'm doing lasts for a year and a day (it'll be given to her on March 1st of next year). And also your opinion was much appreciated, thanks ^_^
I must head off to work now...ugh.
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| Tarot |
[Apr. 10th, 2009|08:27 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | tarot | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  curious | ] |
One more thing...
I've been doing my regular daily tarot readings and the 7 of Wands keeps coming up. For example:
Wednesday: 7 of Wands
Thursday: As I was shuffling two cards fell out, the Death card and the 7 of Wands. I continued shuffling and when I flipped up the top card I got the 8 of Cups.
I haven't done my reading today yet. Will most likely do that right before I walk into work. I did some other readings, like one to see what would happen if I called my dad and then one of just an overview of our relationship in terms of the past, the present, and the future. I think the 7 of Wands came up in that somewhere as well but as I don't have my notes on me I can't recall for sure or not. I must be going now, I have to leave or I'll be late for work.
Happy day all! |
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| Easter |
[Apr. 10th, 2009|08:20 am] |
Sunday my mom is insisting on dragging me to my grandma's church for Easter service. I'm trying my best not to ruin her Easter for her and shout at her that the day means very little to me and that I don't care that they waved palms at Jesus on Palm Sunday. Why the hell is that such a big deal anyway?
I'm fed up with her feeding me bits of Christianity here and there and I'm about to just shout it at her. It's all I can do not to just totally blow up and say I'm not going, I don't believe that stuff, you'll have to just deal with it. I don't want to ruin her holiday because I know it's an important day for her. She's looking forward to going to church because she hasn't been for so long where as me? I'm just dreading it. I'm trying to think of other things to do during the service so that I'm not all bored and fidgety. I'm thinking about writing...that way it looks like I'm just taking sermon notes when really I'm doing something that distracts me completely.
Afterwards the service we're supposed to get together with my grandma for lunch. Yea, we'll see how that goes. If it does actually happen, those two will just talk all about the preacher and his message. My grandma will most likely asked what I thought of the sermon as will my mom and I'll just nod and say it was nice just like I do every year. Ugh when are they going to learn that I am not interested in attending church. I don't practice Christianity, I haven't for a very long time. Dragging me to church does nothing for me but make me miserable.
And no my mom won't go without me even though she wouldn't be going alone. She'd be with my grandma. I hate having this stupid cold (which is making me have an even shorter fuse) but I hope it lasts long enough to get me out of Sunday's service. I have a horrible sore throat today and can barely talk but I think I'm going to attempt going to work anyway. So off with me now... |
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| Had To Share |
[Apr. 7th, 2009|04:14 pm] |
My mom just forwarded me this beautiful video that a coworker of hers had forwarded to her. There is beautiful music with it so ability to listen to sound is required. This isn't religious (least not that I saw) so everyone can enjoy this:
www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com
Enjoy!!! |
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| Waning Crescent Moon |
[Apr. 7th, 2009|03:24 pm] |
I just got off work about an hour ago and while I still had computer time at the local library I thought I'd pursue some more Astrology stuffs.
So after some digging I found out that on Dec 10, 1982 (day I was born) there was a Waning Crescent Moon. This is what you see just before the New Moon. It looks like the letter C if you look at it in the sky.
Knowing what phase of moon you were born under reveals yet more about a person when it comes to Astrology. For example, people born under the New Moon are often prophets and visionaries; people born under the Third Quarter Moon often make total shifts in their lives that appear sudden but have actually been brewing just beneath surface for some time. The Waning Crescent Moon falls just between those two, about halway between. I haven't been able to determine the degree of closeness to the sun of the moon yet so I can't tell for sure if it's closer to New or Third Quarter. It's interesting to see just how much of you is revealed through Astrology.
Perhaps it's closer New Moon...I have been doing well with the Tarot Cards lately. They've been pretty accurate for me...and I do have a strange sixth sense thing about when things are going to happen. Though I never know what or when, I just know when something bad is going to happen. |
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| One More Victory |
[Apr. 7th, 2009|02:53 pm] |
I heard over the weekend that Iowa has now legalized Gay Marriage.
Now if only the rest of the country would follow suit...
***EDIT*** This just in: (courtesy of jijnasa ) Vermont has now also legalized Gay Marriage. WOOHOO!!! Yet another one. We're on a roll, that's two in one week!! |
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| Melodi was Sick |
[Apr. 6th, 2009|08:26 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | cats | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
Friday night my cat went outside in a terrible storm. I couldn't stop her from scratching at the door so we just let her out. When she came back in she went right to sleep, which we didn't think anything of as this is normal behavior for her. The next day (Saturday) she didn't move. She would barely wake up, wouldn't eat, wouldn't drink, nothing. It was like she was just totally lethargic. She didn't even want any treats or cheese! Those are two of her favorite things. I'm always miss optimist thinking oh she's just tired. But this continued on into the night. About 4 am I woke up needing to go to the restroom and found Melodi sleeping alone on the floor. So I picked her up and laid her down on top of me. I sent up a small prayer to the Goddess and to Bastet that she would please heal her child (Melodi) and did some very short healing work of mine own.
The next day?
Melodi was fine! She wanted out, ate, drank, asked for cheese when I got some everything. She was like the old Melodi, like nothing was ever wrong. Mom still can't figure out why the turn around. I can though...I know what made her well. Am I about to say this to my mom though? Nuh uh. Not yet. But I will, believe me I will... |
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| Mom knows? |
[Apr. 6th, 2009|08:20 am] |
Saturday night my mom and I went out to dinner at Applebee's, one of our favorite restaurants. We always get the same waitress, Dee. We don't ask for her or anything they just sit us at her tables. Anyway her and I are both Pagan. Obvious from the jewelry she wears (pentagrams, etc). I always tucked my pentacle in under my shirt so she wouldn't notice it/comment on it. But this time I was too worried about not falling in my new high heels. Yup, she noticed that I wear pentagrams. Though it wasn't my necklace she noticed, it was my very small earrings. Anyway we talked about it for a moment, she showed me a ring that she wears that has a hidden pentagram on the back (triple moon ring) and things like that. When she walked away my mom asked what the pentagram meant. So I gave her the standard meaning that books give: the elements and spirit. The subject was changed/totally dropped.
Then Sunday my mom was talking to me about going to church next Sunday for Easter. I don't act very interested but don't say anything against it either because I know it's important to her. She decides we'll just go to my grandma's church and then maybe the 4 of us can go out to eat afterwards. Later when I get out of the shower I make it clear to her that I'm only going to please her and that if she weren't there, I wouldn't be going. Matter of fact those were pretty much my exact words. She doesn't say anything other than "that's terrible" or something like that. And goes about her business.
I'm beginning to really think she knows already that I'm Pagan and not Christian. I'm not about to go through that discussion on Easter though, one of her favorite holidays. *rolls eyes* |
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| I must say... |
[Apr. 3rd, 2009|03:29 pm] |
...that I have THE best boyfriend in the world! I love you hon! |
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| Tarot Issues |
[Apr. 3rd, 2009|03:12 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | tarot | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | curious | ] |
I wasn't able to do my daily tarot reading til after I dropped my mom off. I had to run into her work for a moment because she left her work ID in the car and I wound up just doing my tarot reading in the bathroom stall. If I had sat anywhere else people she knows could've seen me (yes, they know me) and told her what I was doing. Telling my mom that I'm studying about Astrology is one thing, there are several resources online that I could use should she ever choose to confiscate my books. I don't think she will though since she asks me questions about it all time like: what does it mean to be a fire person or "what's my ascendant and what's that mean". Go figure. However telling her about studying tarot would risk her trashing my deck, that's not something easily replaced. Yea I know where to find another identical deck but...I've used this one so much, it has my energy and what not attached to it...plus the cost. Cards aren't terribly expensive I know this but...I don't exactly have extra money lying around these days (if I did I'd get this damn tooth fixed).
Anyway I was shuffling my cards the way I normally do and a stack of about 7 cards fell onto the ground. In my opinion everything happens for a reason, nothing is coincidence. So I take it that I'm supposed to turn over the top card of that stack. (I generally turn over the card on the top of the stack when I feel that 'pull'). So I flip it over and it's the 8 of Pentacles reversed. I have never once drawn a reversed card, I have no idea what that means. i have a website that I'm about to check out in a few minutes to see if they can give me a general meaning.
What do you guys, personally, interpret the 8 of Pentacles reversed to mean though? My cheat book doesn't give any meanings for reversed cards and I generally don't work with them anyway-esp since they never seem to come up in my readings. How do they get reversed in the first place? |
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| Late Night Strolls |
[Apr. 3rd, 2009|09:52 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | cats | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tooth still hurts this morning | ] |
Last night started off just fine. I was enjoying talking to Angelo and then we had a nice (but short-my fault) chat on the phone. I got off because my stupid tooth started hurting again. I really need to have my wisdom teeth pulled and then have a filling put in the tooth next to the tooth that's next to the lower right wisdom tooth. It hurts to talk so I had to get off the phone, even though I had other things I'd rather have been doing. Anyway I attempt to fall asleep, to no avail.
I think I dozed off for a bit but then my cat wanted out. She stayed out for about an hour, then came in and ate something and went to sleep for about 15 minutes. Then around 3 am she wanted back out. I wasn't about to yell at her all night to quit clawing the front door so I just let her back out. I had just laid down and got comfortable, my tooth had quit hurting just enough where I could get to sleep when I hear her meowing outside. Yes, she's that loud. So I tell my mom I'm going outside to see what the problem is (it's really unusual for Melodi to talk while she's outside). It's pouring down rain when I get out there. Had been the whole time though I hadn't realized it. So without stepping off my front porch I try to locate her. She's on my neighbors patio NEXT TO ANOTHER CAT. I stand there and try to coax her back over to my place, she just sits there and looks at me. My mom comes to the door to ask what's going on and me disappearing from Melodi's sight must've done something because 5 seconds later here she comes down the steps to the door.
These past few nights I've gotten barely any sleep. First due to Kevin, then Melodi (she's been wanting out in the middle of the night for the past few nights), and now because of my tooth. I seriously need to catch up on sleep... |
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| Britney Spears |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|04:16 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | celebritiies, music | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | britney spears- If You Seek Amy | ] |
Lately the song "Slave For U" by Britney Spears has been stuck in my head...no idea why. Anyway the only way for me to get rid of it is to actually listen to it. I don't own it on cd and I'm not about to go buy (she's hot, but truly to me has no singing talent).
So anyway I search out the music video and listen to/watch it. I also see she has a new song called "If U Seek Amy" out. Because I'm curious and I wanna know what her music's like these days, I listen to/watch it. Say the titled to that song outloud...it actually spells out an obscenity "F-U-C-K Me". Anyway I am now addicted to the song.
Course this is something that took me awhile to figure out. The beginning of the video gave me a huge clue but I myself had to actually think about it to get it. This is classical me when it comes to jokes. I don't always get them right away...or know when people are joking around for that matter. |
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| Tarot Card of the Day |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|12:19 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | tarot | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
Today was the 6 of Cups. I really need to start carrying my cheat book with me...either that or find a good website with traditional meanings for the cards.
Anybody know any good cheat websites for tarot card meanings? |
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| Squirrels and Photography |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|10:49 am] |
 
I saw one of these guys earlier while doing some early morning nature observing/photography. He was just sitting in the bottom of a rock pile watching his surroundings, most likely because there were several people around. Anyway I tried to get close enough to get his picture to show up on my camera phone but he ran into a hole before I could get close enough. Either way they're cute little critters. My photography can be found on my dA page. |
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| Venus Retrograde causes Family Drama |
[Apr. 1st, 2009|03:26 pm] |
It would seem that Venus has gone into retrograde. Oh joy. Perhaps that's why my mom has been having so many problems with the relationships in her life. For example:
This girl she works with, Stephanie, decided to get total attitude with her on Monday. This isn't exactly uncommon for Steph but...it's just that whole day for my mom was bad. One thing after another went wrong for her-not all of them relationship related. That evening is when her brother called and asked to crash at our place for the night.
Then last night...Esther (my Uncle Kevin's exgirlfriend) calls my mom. She wants to know where Kevin is and how to get ahold of him. Apparently he was supposed to come pick up the rest of his crap from her place and his deadline was yesterday or Esther was going to put it out for the trash. Kevin never showed up. Mom tells Esther that she has no phone number for Kevin (which she doesn't) and they continue chatting about something. While they are on the phone Kevin calls in on Mom's call waiting. Mom tells Esther to hold a moment that she has another call and will be right back. Esther says ok. Mom clicks over to Kevin, chats with him for a moment, but then when she clicks back over to Esther, she's gone. Esther had hung up. A few moments later Mom's phone rings again-it's Esther. The MOMENT Mom picks up the phone Esther starts yelling at her telling her how rude it is to hang up on someone. Uh, honey, you're the one that hung up on my mom. Then she goes on accusing my mom of lying saying that my mom does actually have a number for Kevin and how else would she have been talking to him. DUH, HE CALLED HER!!! Esther tells my mom to never act like they knew eachother and that she'll never get the chance to hang up on her again. Mom gets so fed up with Esther's craziness that she DOES hang up on her. She walks into my room, shoves her phone in my hand, and tells me to call Esther and lay into her. I'm so shocked for a moment I don't even know how to react. Yes, I can tell people off and if they piss me off I'm known to do so but my mom telling me to??? That's different! So I call Esther back, tell her to never call my house again etc. Somewhere in our short conversation she accuses my mom of using her because we stayed there for a week before we moved into our current house. Excuse me Esther, you INVITED us to stay there!! We didn't use you for anything, we didn't even WANT to stay there. After she accuses my mom of using her I really lay into and wind up hanging up on her myself. I don't tolerate people hurting the ones I love and I won't take it lying down either. You WILL hear from me if you do or say anything to hurt someone I love or care about in any way, shape, or form! |
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| Vet Visit |
[Apr. 1st, 2009|11:44 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | cats | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
 Last Saturday we took my cat Isabelle to the vet. (That's her in the photo not the icon). We finally found one that was willing to bill us. We get her there and the vet is really nice. He examines her thoroughly to make sure she doesn't have fleas, which she doesn't thankfully. After that he took her in the back, shaved off a bit of her fur behind her neck, and did a skin scrape. He also trimmed her nails and gave her a cortisone shot. SHE DOESN'T SCRATCH ANYMORE. Oh my gosh I am so happy about that. It was driving me nuts because it was ALL the time. She wouldn't stop.
I haven't got the results of the scrape yet. Something about it has to set/grow for 2 weeks or something. I'm supposed to call him back in 10 days to let him know of her progress and if I'd seen any fleas on my other two cats. I haven't although I haven't really looked either. They aren't going to be easy to avoid since Melodi goes outside alot of the time.
Regardless I'm just glad Isabelle finally got some help...
( sorta unrelated ) |
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| HAPPY |
[Mar. 31st, 2009|04:04 pm] |
I was tired of my old background image on my LJ so I went searching yahoo for a new one and found one that I just love. Check it out ^_^ Lots of pretty flowers...
***EDIT*** Also forgot to mention that last night my uncle asked me if I'd lost weight. Granted he hasn't seen me for a few months so it's entirely possible but ya know...comments like that always make a girl feel good ^_^ |
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| First CD |
[Mar. 27th, 2009|03:23 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | music | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  shocked | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Terri Clark-Emotional Girl | ] |
How many of you remember the first cd you ever bought? I do. It's called "Just the Same" by Terri Clark. Unless you like country music, I don't suggest you google her. She's very country with a very prominent twang (actually has a song called 'Twang Thang').
Anyway I listened to that cd so many times, it got so scratched up that I eventually had to toss it. That happened several years ago. When I went to the flea market I found a copy of that cd for $5. Looked like it had never been used, no scratches NOTHING. So of course I bought it. OMG, even after several years of not hearing the songs I still know every word, all the melodies, and all the notes. It seriously amazes me how good my memory is with these songs. With songs in general.
Also forgot how much I like this cd. Maybe because I've heard her voice so much but there's something oddly comforting about it. She always seemed like she'd be a cool person to hang with. Though I don't advise making her mad...she doesn't seem like she'd take shit from anyone.
...And this makes me wonder what her sign is...*goes off to google Terri Clark and find her birthday* |
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wtf
sleepy
annoyed
calm
loved